GRAMMAR HAMMER

A cataclysmic event in a year of apocalyptic drama

2020 has truly been a year of apocalyptic drama, marked by a cataclysmic event that rocked the world, even though we all know the story.

Insiders knew it was coming, but for the blissfully ignorant majority, it was only when last year had come to its natural end that we heard the ominous announcement of an overwhelming catastrophe that threatened to bring about the final collapse, the very end of civilisation as we know it.

Yes, as 2020 drew to an orderly and predictable close, news reached us that the Apostrophe Protection Society has closed down. Who will now defend us now, when the scourge is upon us?

What was once an errancy confined to the greengrocery trade has spread like an evil virus throughout our society

Every year, there are 1,000’s of examples. Truly, the barbarian’s are at the gate’s. In fact, the very gate’s themselve’s are unhinged. We are doom’ed.

The politician’s have done everything they could, and the Chancellor did his best, promising to inject an extra 60 million apostrophe’s into the British stockpile’s. This sounded impressive, but it work’s out at only one per person.

What did you do with your’s? l donated mine to a Swedish girl who’d launched a global campaign called Apostrophe Catastrophe, and l’d encourage you to do the same. If they can get enough, they’ll be able to fly in emergency punctuation wherever in the world it’s needed most.

The public’s response varied: some took to the street’s, others to their bed’s. The fate is still unkown of the anonymous Bristolian vigilante known as the Apostrophiser, famous for creeping round the city under cover of darkness and using special equipment to add or blank out apostrophe’s on incorrect sign’s.

I don’t know whether the Apostrophiser ever visited Canterbury, or anywhere else in Kent, but the evidence suggest’s not – at least in respect of a local fast-food outlet.

The sign on the shop indicated that it was a Kitchen, and that it belonged to someone called Anu, but it was year’s before the owner added the necessary possessive apostrophe to the name. I can only assume no-one had the heart (or nerve) to tell them, but it surely can’t have been good for business.

And then we’ve had that other business. I said it would all end in tier’s.
And so it has.

About the Author

Apple Books chose Mike Hollow’s The Blitz Detective (first published as Direct Hit)
to be their Free Book of the Week in the week before Christmas in the UK and Ireland.

So if you haven’t already read it (or might like some ’emergency reading’ handy!), you can download the ebook via the Apple Books app. And even better, ebook 2 in the series, The Canning Town Murder (first published as Fifth Column) is also available.

The Blitz Detective is also now available as an audio book from Audible, narrated by the excellent Simon Mattacks.

You can read about books that have inspired Mike Hollow in his own writing at Bookshop.org, a new initiative supporting local independent bookshops.http://www.allisonandbusby.com/author/mike-hollow

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